Dina asked me out for coffee. She needed my help. She had a few single female friends and wanted to hook me up with a few of them. I too was intrigued; I have been reading her blog since beginning of the year. She went on and on in her blog about her Afro hair and I had to see it for myself.

I was late. I rushed back from Kuala Kangsar with my bike in tow. I text messaged her a few times because I was running about 10 minutes late. Being the punctual person that I am, ten minutes is a long time. What would a top fashionista writer think when she see me in shorts and t-shirt, I thought. I didn’t have time for a change of clothes.

When I got to the hilly café, I saw a well dressed and rather poised woman in the corner flipping through a magazine. I knew it was her even though the woman had no ‘afro’ hairstyle.  So I called her name out loud.

****

Before I met her, I had a different image of Dina Zaman.  I picture her to be on the heavy side about 5’ 5”; big Afro hair; wear thick rimmed glasses; baggy shirt and ankle length skirt; permanently clutching a big PDA-phone and a handbag big enough to carry my cycling gear. The sort that is too shy to look you in the eyes and speaks really fast followed by long pause.

****

The real Dina Zaman stood up and she was completely the opposite of the image I had of her. Firstly, her hair is normal. She is thin and about 5’ 2”. She has a fair complexion and brown eyes. She wore matching outfit. Like trousers, top, shoe and handbag in different shades of brown. Classy and elegant woman (with braces)!

She has a nice voice (a little hoarse) and spoke well. I on the other had, had excess endorphin and adrenaline from my long ride earlier. So I was talking none stop and fidgety. Normally I am pretty passive and not a blabbermouth.  We spoke for hours and I would like to think that we became good friends.

****

The second time I saw her was at Mumbo Jumbo. I wanted to say hi to her but she was dancing with a bunch of celebrities. She was in jeans.

Nice butt.

Her dancing is pretty ol’skool. Like the ladies in Scandals KL dancing to the Blow Monkeys. ‘Hey what did I hear you say. You know it doesn’t have to be that way, when you walk outside the door, you gonna ask for more…”.

Kira ada class lah - like sexy, cool and subtle. Young girls nowadays goes to clubs half naked, they are pleasing to the eye no doubt, but can’t say there are sexy. Like Scandal ladies in the 80s. Damn I am a geriatric like that but it’s true. For the young readers, image-google Sheila Majid in the 80s. It was like that back in the 80s.

After seeing her seeing me doing the robot dance I figured it was not a good time to go up to her. 

****

I got a few invites to her social gatherings but I always get it the day before the do. I can’t help but to think that I am the last guy on her invite list… call Roadie when everyone is not available…

Hey I am still number 1 after more than a month on top..hehehe..

This is my side of this story.  

Dina asked me out for coffee. She needed my help. She had a few single female friends and wanted to

This was a ride for the real Roadie to stand up. Tired of being dropped by the peloton and cycling alone and fed up with being overweight and under strength for  most of last season, Tullia the all Italian racer and Janda Baik promised a change in fortune.

Instead it was the usual story of over promise and broken dreams. The low rolling resistance, super light, and colour matching Michelin tyre did nothing to help. In fact the rain made the treadles (F1 like) tyres unpredictable and dangerous.

The scenic Janda Baik loop consist of climbing the Sempah Pass (alternative route to Genting from Gombak), a long descent starting from Karak McDonalds all the way to Janda Baik and then a loop in the scenic valley of Janda Baik and back.

The most difficult part of this ride is the ride home. The ‘wohooooo’ and ‘wheeiii’ 60km descent turned to @#vlad’s bollocks$!%@ ascend to get home. To top this, you have the 10% ball busting short climb from the Karak McDonalds to the gates of Genting at the end of this long ascend.

I got dropped and end up cycling alone in the first leg of the ride – The Sempah Pass. After huffing and puffing my fat arse climbing a distance of 15km, and a km from the top of the Pass, I got chased by a pack of junkyard dogs. I have never seen dogs this ugly in my entire life. I suppose from being genetically screwed up from generations of incestuous breeding. The junkyard is in the middle of nowhere. The next available doggies are hours away.

I rejoined the peloton at the top of the Pass and it rained like monsoon in Goa all the way to Janda Baik. Wet to the bone, humidity in the high 90s, descending down S-roads at 50km/h for 20km is no fun. After 5km, your balls shrivelled to the size of raisins. After 10km, it disappears into thin air. Your fingers gets numbed which makes it difficult to apply brakes which you have to do all the time because of the sharp switchbacks. One mistake and you find yourself on the Karak highway 200 feet below.

Unlike a mountain bike with its cross drilled disk brakes, a racer is built for climbing and to go fast. Braking is not important at all. My heart was in my mouth when Tullia was not going any slower when I squeezed the brake lever. I contemplated the Fred Flintstone braking method but I thought I rather take my chance down the ravine then look like an idiot in front of my peers. Luckily, the tyres didn’t lock up and my heart went back to its normal position.

Cycling around Janda Baik reminded me why I love cycling. The sun was shining, fresh air, morning dew and beautiful rolling hills. Janda Baik is a valley and was a hiding place for a few English families during the 2^nd world war. The Japanese couldn’t get to Janda Baik as was surrounded by hills and mountain without any access roads. I have been to Janda Baik many years ago by car but getting there eau natural i.e., by bicycle is something else.

We stopped at the local coffee shop and had Mee Bandung and Tongkat Ali Coffee – fuel for the uphill trip back; everyone got up to speed with the latest cycling gossips and the customary jokes at the guy who came in last i.e., me !@#$%.

I found myself getting dropped (again) on the way back. It was a long, long, long climb back. I felt like my sore thighs would break in two by the time I reach the Pass. Some passing motorists shouted lewd comments while I struggled up to the Genting entrance. I felt nothing. I guess I am used to it. You see the worse in people when you are on your bike I tell ya.

When I got home I slept for 13 hours straight. I got up with a sore back (over ambitious with the racing geometry of the bike) and legs. Times like this, I wish I have a lover to look after me and shower me with a little tender loving care. The local bartender is the next best thing for now.

I don't know where this road
Is going to lead.
All I know is where we've been
And what we've been through
If we get to see tomorrow
I hope it's worth the wait
It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday

****

Back in February, Theroadie had to ship off Zoe, his beloved De Rosa King to Milan, when her bottom tube cracked after a crash at the GP Racespeda II race. Theroadie half heartedly replaced Zoe with Maria, an Orbea Orca, a Spanish thoroughbred.

But It’s not the same is it? The Italians with all their imperfection, makes the sweetest bikes. So today, after 8 months, the Italian bambina finally arrived at the bike shop (along with a hefty bill). Instead of repairing the crack, De Rosa replaced it with a brand new frame but painted it in its old special ‘azzuri’ colours.

The relationship between man and bike, in my opinion, far supersedes statistical analysis. I have ridden many, a Colnago C40, a Pegoretti Marcelo, the Orbea, and the Trek OCLV. Its no looker like like the C40 and Marcelo but this baby is something else.

I am looking forward to get to know the De Rosa again. I want to savour the magic, the swishing and railing descents, the feel of the Mizuno weaved carbon on the steepest of climbs.

Although she is no Zoe, she is definitely the next best thing. Well technically the new generation Mizuno carbon should be better than the old gal. I am sure the old feeling will come back.

There was one time, we reached the top of Genting in the Tun Mahathir Challenge 2001 and I pumped a happy fist in the air – a great mountain stage victory in the fantasy race that my cycling life was.

When at home in the greatest season of biking I ever had, I hung out late at night with Zoe, lubing the chain, cleaning the brakes, and Zoe said, “we climbed everything we could find”. And I replied, “and then some”.

I will have to get myself back in shape out of respect for Zoe. It will be good times again with me and Zoe’s sibling. I have yet to christened her though. Francesca maybe? Nicoletta? Or Lucia? Hmm… the half Italian cyclist is back.

Welcome to Hell's Kitchen 

Road temperature: 41C, Wind factor: 0, Time: 1130am. And yes, look down - do not look up.

I have a little confession to make. Time for blogging has been spent elsewhere. A few days back I had an online invite to join myspace.com. I have had a few of these invite previously but ignored it thinking I am already a member. I kinda got it mixed up with MSN Personal that I joined beginning of this year. I thought it was the same thing.

The night before that I had a chat with a friend and he boastfully said that he recently got into MySpace, and now has enough contacts to keep him occupied until 2006. I don’t know whether it was the 1-for-1 offer or the J&B as house pouring brand at Mumbo Jumbo but it got me curious.

So when I found the invite in my Inbox the next day, I double clicked the link. I had to become MySpace member in order to view multiple photos of its members. Since then I have been spending a good 2.5 hours a day on it. I have gone through the database of Malaysia, Singapore and now moving on to Indonesia. I suppose Friendster was too slow for anyone to browse it.

I don’t know why but I kinda enjoy reading their write ups especially the younger ones. It is like they have full of life and verve. I like their slang and jargon and how they use video footage and images to express themselves. I find some of their idiosyncrasies kinda cute like

About me: I don’t like fakerz, back stabberz, liarz and poserz. Will rock witcha if da vibe is rite.

Yes nobody likes them, tell me something I don’t know. I guess it sort of reflect their social landscape.

I found a few people whom I know in real life (okay I only browse the single/divorced/swingers females) and find it weird to see them having this little ad space and having little write-ups about themselves!     

What if I had the mobile phone, text messaging, picture messaging, Friendster, Myspace etc. in my adolescent years? My, imagine what bounty could have been in store for me. Just kidding. Okay enough of this. I am off to the place where everybody knows my name. Heh!

Johnny my old friend,

We’ve gone a long way. Since high school I think. You have been a dear friend to me. We have shared many good times together.

After two nights partying with you, I have decided we should go our separate ways. The old liver is finding difficulty getting along with you. My head is pounding even after 3 x aspirin. I would have been a real cyclist if it wasn’t for you. Instead I terrorize the neighborhood joggers with my loud pink jersey.

Take good care of yourself and good bye,

Roadie

****

Dear roadie,

See you next Friday.

Your mate,

Johnny Walker

****

Last night I reached the highest state of intoxication. I became caring. I was introducing Soros, The Bestfriend & Miss Jakarta to people who appeared single-ish. But The Bestfriend introduced himself to Channel 8 presenter. She is hot. Hopefully the boy is back to his old jovial self …

Tired of receiving endless text messages like the one below…

“Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri. Maaf zahir batin dari (sender) & (sender's spouse) & (sender's offspring if any)… ”

Roadie the single duda replied… 

“Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri. Maaf zahir batin dari Roadie, Berus the neighbourhood stray cat, Sisik the family fish”

In the spirit of both celebration of light and Eid Fitr, I will post my raya photograph with traditional costume on the second day of Eid Fitr for a day.

Wishing  everyone a happy deepavali and selamat hari raya. May the light shine bright and I'd like to seek forgiveness if I have offended anyone out there..

The customary 1^st night of hari raya with fun and merry debauchery starts at 8pm… I hope I make it back in one piece and pass the roadblocks…

Quote of the week: I am really just looking for a friend with benefits...

My mother is now giving me the silent treatment. I did not promise her a follow up date. How can I tell her that I am not into sweet, demure, frigid women? Desperate action is needed for desperate times.

Model: Cyclist. Year of manufacture: 1972. Previous owner: 1. Mileage: High. Condition: Reliable with minor overhaul needed. Performance: 3 songs @ 40 revs per minute. Temperament: Mild. Wealth: Inherited, unless become good friend to Khairy some time in the near future. Faith: Below average. Mall capacity (before get irritated): 1.5 hours

Further description:

Pros

Performs better in the morning. Probability to elope with young girls in the future: low - not attracted to young women below 24 years of age, re. Service Logbook. Fit to bring to family dos, dinner parties and business function. Contribute 50% of house chores. Monogamous.

Cons

Words such as ‘confused’, ‘clueless’, ‘fickle-minded git’ has been used to described (hope 'ehleena' didn't notice this error) him. Low paternal rating. Allergic to furry house pets. Not available Sunday mornings/most of Saturday mornings.

****

I received a gift from Lisa. Thank you. I will have to remind myself not to wear it during happy hour. A bit difficult to relief myself without an opening in the middle...

****

For Ehleena & Poncho

Cycling: How to get started.

There are different types of cycling but the two most common ones are mountain biking (MTB) and road cycling. Most cases, you start off with mountain biking. That is what I did. It is an easier bicycle to handle than a road bike. It is also in a safer environment. If you fall off your mountain bike, you probably fall in to a bush. If you fall off your road bike, you'll get run over by a Bas Kilang. You learn bike handling skills and reflexes on a MTB, manouvering through our challenging tropical trails.

For some esp. women, they prefer to go straight into road cycling. You dont get cut, bruises, insect, mosquito, leech bites on the road.

1. decide whether you would like to purchase a mtb or a road bike.

2. helmet, gloves and shades (to protect your eye more than to hide your suffering face when pedalling up hill)

3. cycling shorts (with padding to protect your family jewel)

4. cycling specific top (unless u dont mind looking like u just came out from the swimming pool)

5. for beginners, normal running shoes.

Cycle around your housing area to get the feel of the bike. Cycling is a group activity, you need to find clubs/group to ride with. Dont feel intimidated, i have never met any friendlier ppl than cyclists. They feel it is their job to convert you into 'pedalphilles'. I can network you with all the cycling groups. I know all of them. Becareful, this can be a very addictive hobby.

Poncho, I dont think Cannondale can fit into your budget. Not even the frame. My advice to you is to get a ScottUSA. If you get a hardtail, it wont be long before you itching to upgrade to a full suspension variant. Value for money top end bike would be a Santa Cruz. Light, responsive, superb handling and built like a tank. The SC was my last mountain bike. When deciding on the bike, the most important component is the fork and the drive train. 

It was 1am and I was driving home from a footie night out with the boys. I heard a faint sound and it seemed like it was from a small speaker. It didn’t occur to me it might be a ‘hantu’(ghost) was trying to wind me up. The dark side does not want to waste time scaring their own kind!

A closer inspection revealed that it was coming from the front pocket of my trousers. It came from my mobile phone. I have called someone by mistake, I thought. These things happen with mobile phones without those flip covers. When that happens, I don’t even bother calling the person back to explanation and apologize because these things happen. No big deal.

Of all the 300 names on my address list, that random call had to be to ‘her’. After 3 dates, she assumed we were going steady. After one night she assumed we will get married by year end. I realized something was not right when I did not invite her to a family do and she got really upset.

I tried to explain (as nicely as I could) to her that we were in a pre-relationship phase. A trial if I were to be blunt. She was furious. If looks could kill, I’d be dead. Even the TGIF waiter couldn’t keep up her friendly appearance. She needs to read this self help book: He’s Just Not That Into You.

She wrote a long slanderous email to me and CC’ed to everyone she knew. I was so traumatized by the experience I was not able to date for months.

When I realized I called her by mistake, I quickly text message her, explaining in detail how it happened. Yes if you must know, I am still terrified of this woman after all these years.

This is her reply to my text message – ‘stop stalking me, you sad lonely bastard’. Sigh. I have to get myself one of those flip phones… 

P.s. Is it just me or every other women I converse with lately have uttered the word ‘stalker’? I am pretty sure Sex & the City had something to do with this.    

***** 

Eddie Merckx is the greatest athlete the world has ever known. He is known as The Cannibal and God.

This is a rare picture of him looking like he is NOT immortal. This is the cyclist tan I was referring to in my previous blog.

He won every honours in the most toughest sport in the world. The world will probably never see such dominance again in any sport.

When you run out of things to blog, do what the Ibu Bloggers (DZ, Najah, Pickyin etc.) do. Post a picture instead. Please look at the picture for about 4 seconds before reading the caption for max. effect.

In my previous blog I only covered the gist of the date, both her and the actual event. This is an attempt to deconstruct and  ;put some perspective in this little adventure.

Let us begin with addressing the question, ‘is she your type’. I hardly know her and I don’t have a ‘type’ really. I have been attracted to people with different physical attributes and characters. A glance at all the unfortunate women who has crossed my ‘lurve’ path and you would understand. One thing for sure, the earth didn’t move and my heart didn’t skip a beat. But she is definitely someone I wouldn’t say no to if she comes knocking on my door in a bathrobe.

Would I see her again? Yes I definitely would. She seemed like a very nice girl. In all fairness, both of us were a bit uneasy with this arrangement. We were both guarded and cautious.

Would I drop everything and pursue her like I have done with others in the past? No I wouldn’t. I will let nature take its course I suppose. Why you might ask? I don’t really know. Perhaps this is not such a good time, possibly due to the fact that I am unemployed. Love is not free. It can cost quite a bit you know. Right now, I need a friend more than a lover.

One thing for sure, my mom will be monitoring me like a hawk. She knows not to ask questions at this time but she will later. Ah, sometimes, being the only son can be to your disadvantage.

Though it sounds rather pompous, I am at this stage of my life I am able to appreciate beautiful things or in this case a person without the desire or the need to acquire and possess it.

And lastly, do I feel I am not good enough for her? I have enough experience to know that to view it that way creates a distorted, parochial view of things. Relationship is really about compatibility and IMHO, being able to connect with each other in more ways than how you connect with a friend. It has nothing to do with measuring up to someone.

The point I wanted to make with the princess analogy, I guess I did not do it well, is simply, although it is all good being a princess, not everyone wants to be one or be with one. 

P.s, To answer Lisa’s question: I wore boxers, blue khaki pants, white linen shirt and black loafers. I should have worn my jeans. I look like somebody on a date. Aargghh!

I told myself when I walked into Grappa to think of her as a client and this is another meeting.

She was already seated when I walked in. She was in her office attire. She wore a charcoal grey jacket and a matching knee length skirt and a reddish blouse. She stood up when I approached the table. She’s about two inches shorter than I am. She wore a necklace with a pretty pendant and I couldn’t stop myself looking at it (or was it the cleavage…)

I was surprise to see a glass of white wine on the table. We talked incessantly like teenagers for the three hours we were there. Her eyes were locked to mine whenever I was not looking at her pretty pendant.

I walked her to her car. She kissed me on my right cheek but it was pretty close to my lips. Definitely a sign. Aah, life is beautiful.

Just kidding…

****

The following is the actual account.

True to form I was late. I had problem finding parking, I almost left the car on the curb. No traffic cops at this hour I thought.

Roadie’s Life Lesson #645

No first dates when breaking fast because you look like a dopey git without food and water the whole day.

The last time I had a date the good old Monsieur Cabernet was off limits was in high school. Without my old friend by my side I was a little unsettled and fidgety.

When I sat facing her I imagined all of you standing behind her watching us. That image kept creeping up throughout dinner.

She looked like she’s a TKCian, very the prim and proper. She was so poised. I can place the menu on her head the whole night and it won’t fall off. When she stirred her coffee cup, zero sound okay! She’s classy like that. If she’s a bicycle, she’d be a Merlin.

She displayed impressive decorum. She seemed like a very nice girl. She spoke more like a lawyer than an auditor with her eloquence. She looked really nice in her baju kurung. I glance over her phone for no particular reason and I found it was s witchedoff okay. What manners! This girl is proper or what.

The girl is attractive. I wonder why she is not seeing anyone. I really wanted to ask her why but it’s against the Roadie’s Dating Bible.

From where I was seated, she looked like a princess. Unfortunately I am no Prince. (Linklater’s ending ere’)

****         

I was my usual friendly self. I was a bit nervous at first but dating is like riding a bicycle. After a hundred meters it comes back to you. I think we can be good friends.

****

Eid Fitr gift to my mother - a book by Martha Ruppert

I will never forget you, Marco Pantani. Cyclist-in-pink is dedicated to you.

I was wearing your full replica jersey when I had my only high speed crash hitting the asphalt at 50km/h decending Genting Sempah. If I were to make an exit and join you in cycling heaven I'd better dress like you.

You are the greatest climber the world has ever known. You stole my heart when you attacked Indurain and Ulrich at Mont Ventoux. Riposa in pace Il Pirata. See you in cycling heaven. P.s., Say hello to Simpson and Jimenez for me.

I must confess I am nervous. I have clocked many, many dates in my disastrous love life but dates set by your own mother, as I am beginning to find out is nerve wrecking.

There is a lot at stake: family name, honour and not to forget, my mother’s social life.

I will have to contemplate moving to another state if my date rejects me. My forefathers would roll over in their respective graves. My father would ask me to leave the house.  

‘Thou shall not get dumped after first date’

15 years of dating, so far so good. It is okay to get ditched when in a relationship but not after one blind date.

Lance Armstrong would say, ‘preparation, preparation, preparation’. Selection is also important. Let me see the social masks I have at my disposal.

1. the serious, ambitious, driven yet humble persona


2. opinionated, spiritual, jovial, passionate persona   


3. chatty, laidback, funny with self deprecating humour, passionate cycling persona   


4. strong and silent façade  

I have used (c) with Dina Zaman and that seemed to work though that was not a date-date. I think I’ll opt for (b). I will have to read up on the Southern Thailand massacre, American presidential election and some bullshit on the environment.

Note to self: Possible environment topic - We Malaysians and our relationship with pink plastic bags.

I will also bring into play the classics: traveling and planning-to-go-to-some-ex otic-island-to-learn-scub a-diving.

Tales of backpacking in two continents have been my good old friend. It has never failed me. Sometimes I think the reason I backpacked across Asia was to come up with stories to help me get laid later.

Note to self: Do not talk about blogs, remember not to order wine. Somehow find a way to tell her that you have been married before because some people don’t fancy second hand goods. If she shows some cleavage, look once if you really have to. Godspeed old chap.